i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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