Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
