We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
