i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
