lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
