I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
