Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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