It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
