you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
