Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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