Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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