I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
