Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
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