moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Mom said you looked used
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
