i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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