You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
