im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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