i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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