She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i dont even know how to be here
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
