I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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