Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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