last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
