mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
