Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
