Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize