You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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