in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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