Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm getting married
To pizza
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
