Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
