he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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