I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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