you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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