Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
