we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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