Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
