Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
