I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How does one acquire holy water?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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