So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
