I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
