Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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