you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
