i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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