i don't plan on having that self control this summer
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How many fucks given?
0.12846
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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