Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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