I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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