I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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