i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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