Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize