planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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