i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
