Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
