so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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