he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
