U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
