Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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