I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
