she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
