you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
