Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i came on her dog
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
