I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
