I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
