just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
