Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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