Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
