bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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