T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize