Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
