It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
