I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
