hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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