Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
