Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
