just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize