On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
