He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
